He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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