the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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