my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
