Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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