Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
