I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
