You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
