you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
