i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
