new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is Oprah even human
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
