it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize