found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
