exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
