i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
