i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can you bring me the toilet please
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
