I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
