barbara walters just said penis...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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