I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
