I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize