how can u be prego again
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
