life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
