just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
