Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
