new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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