I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
