"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
