i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
