oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize