Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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