he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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