Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
