Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize