Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
