Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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