We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
