I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Im part way to drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
