We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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