So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
