Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
