I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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