The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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