I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
