I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
