Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
