Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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