Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
