I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize