jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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