So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
