Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
