I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
