How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
