i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
