WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
