capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
