textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
