We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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