I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
