It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
