her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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