I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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