marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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