Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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