Im at strip club and am horny
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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