Sry I called you an 8
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWWâ€
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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