So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
