I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
