I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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