Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
