We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
