You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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