I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
