Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
