I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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