I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
