There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
